Somewhere Over The Rainbow Bridge a little Cairn Terrier is surely wagging her tail with delight over a gorgeous and heartfelt cenotaph being created in her honor; one that will be unveiled at a dedication ceremony at Hollywood Forever Cemetery on Saturday June 18 at 11:00 a.m.
I'm talking about...who else? Hollywood's A-List animal actress of yesteryear, Terry Spitz, beloved the world over for her feisty portrayal of Dorothy's dog Toto in the 1939 MGM film classic The Wizard of Oz.
Terry passed away 65 years ago at the age of 11-going-on-12. Her career ran 8 years and she appeared in over a dozen films with stars such as Judy Garland (of course), Shirley Temple, Spencer Tracy and Virginia Weidler.
Terry got her start working with Shirley Temple, who coincidentally was MGM's first choice to play Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz (Photo Courtesy Stacey Ash)
She was so identified with the Oz role - with fans of all ages coming out to the ranch and at public appearance to meet "Toto" - that it became her adopted name despite the fact that the canine character created by author L.Frank Baum was male. Versitile Terry!
Upon her death in late 1945, Terry's caretaker and trainer extraordinaire, Carl Spitz, opted to bury her at home alongside other animals on his Ventura Blvd. kennel ranch in North Hollywood (now Studio City) where he ran a famous dog training school.
Sadly, a decade later all the graves, including Terry's, were destroyed by progress, aka the construction of the mammoth Ventura Freeway project which ran right through the former Spitz property. Not that there would have been much left of her, but still...ugh.
With my graving bff Steve Goldstein at the site of the former Spitz Ranch
The internet has brought celebrity grave hunting to a whole new level in recent years, but finding the final resting places of animal actors is still challenging. Some have public burial places but those are few and far between, a topic my longtime graving amigo Steve Goldstein, author of LA's Graveside Companion: Where The V.I.P.s R.I.P., addressed with Huell Howser on California's Gold in 2007. (Check it out here.)
In 2010 J.P. Myers, who had just spearheaded a grave marker campaign for "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" songwriter Jack Norworth, learned of the fate of Toto's grave site. Then after seeing Steve's television appearance, reached out to team up on creating a public memorial where fans could remember and pay homage to Terry and Toto, who they both felt represented a very special part of American culture.
They launched their idea, soliciting ideas and funds, on Facebook in October 2010 with the Toto Canine Movie Star Memorial Marker page and quickly learned that fans agreed with their assessment. Donations to pay for the marker and a plot to put it on rolled in.
In March of this year our gallant friend Tyler Cassity donated a choice plot at Hollywood Forever outside the Cathedral Mausoleum (above), deeding it to FixNation who will protect and care for the marker. FixNation is a non-profit organization that is the first of its kind in Los Angeles to offer free spay and neuter services for feral cats, including those who call Hollywood Forever home.
Sculptor Roman Gal, with his model for the lifesize bronze Toto statue, sketches ideas for the memorial's marble base to be created by Arsen Oganesyan. (Photo Courtesy J.P. Myers)
"I think that my father would be very pleased by this," Carl Spitz Jr. told me when we spoke on the phone a few months ago after he read Chris Epting's breaking article about the initiative on AOL News. He was so pleased that he sent in a donation. He also spoke with Steve about Terry; read about that conversation here.
Hope to see everyone out at Hollywood Forever on June 18th - it's a free, family event, with plenty of free on-site parking. Festivities run 11:00 a.m - 1:00 p.m. Children and pets are welcome!
Hollywood Forever Cemetery is located at 6000 Santa Monica Blvd., Los Angeles, CA, 90038. [Map]
The story of Baxter Bussey, "The World's Best Therapy Dog" who passed away in October at the incredible age of 19-1/2 years, does not end at a grave site.
The 223-page hardcover book from Sage Press was published this summer and chronicles Baxter's eight years of service, highlighting many of the poignant comfort-giving moments the gentle chow-golden retriever shared with end-of-life patients and their families.
"It's a tear-jerker, yet at the same time readers have told me that it makes them feel good because it's inspirational and comforting," Melissa told me today on the phone from her home in San Diego, where she is dealing with her grief one day at a time.
Promoting the book helps, although it's not the same without Baxter, who appeared at book signings where people would pose for photos with him and ask for his "paw-tograph".
The book is doing well on Amazon during the Christmas shopping season, but there have been retail challenges. Barnes & Noble rejected it for in-store stock *boo-hiss* ("It's considered a hospice niche book," says Melissa) although they will carry the book if customers order it.
"I've sold more copies myself, 3,000, out of my garage and station wagon and at signings," Melissa reported.
I found this surprising for several reason, the least of which because Baxter's basic overarching story coupled with life-and-death lessons in and out of the hospice are (IMHO) far more compelling than say "Marley & Me." Why Hollywood hasn't optioned it is beyond me. Paging Steven Spielberg! Read some excerpts here and judge for yourself. Better yet, buy it here.
I first learned about Baxter in mid-October from my friend, Craig, who posted a video about this incredible dog on his Facebook. "No offense," Craig wrote, "but if the last face I see is this world is Baxter's, I will have left this side of the grass a very happy person."
Here's the video, narrated by Melissa, that prompted me and thousands of other viewers to immediately fall in love with Baxter:
Three days after I saw this video, Baxter was gone.
Having experienced less than 4 minutes of Baxter's therapy dog magic via online technology only 72 hours earlier, I'm not ashamed to say that I wept like a baby when I read his obituary, which was carried by over 175 online newspapers across the country thanks to stories by the Associated Press, AOL Paw Nation and People Pets.
If his passing had that type of affect on me, I wondered how Melissa was dealing with her very personal loss, having lived with and loved Baxter for almost 18 years, adopting him after a friend rescued him from an abusive situation when he was a pup.
Through her Facebook page devoted to Baxter, which I had friended after seeing the video, I discovered a strong woman facing her grief head on, one day at a time, sharing photos and stories about Baxter, answering questions and interacting with his 3,454-and-counting fans.
I had asked Melissa for an interview this week to help get the word out about her book after she mentioned on Facebook how every major national daytime talk show had rejected it and her, even before Baxter passed. Should I name names, Martha, Ellen, Oprah, Regis, Kelly...?
Producers felt that Baxter was "too old" and that people would think his volunteering when he couldn't walk was "criminally abusive." Programs did not want to get "a bad name" by association.
They were not alone in their snap-judgement. The one bad review her book has received on Amazon is from someone who states up front that they did not even read the book, commenting instead on their zero-fact-based opinion of his quality of life.
That ticked me off.
Imagine if Baxter or other therapy dogs had such ignorant thoughts? How many moments of comfort, happiness and love would hundreds of near-death patients have missed out on during his thrice weekly visits? Does one require legs to give of your heart?
I think not. And neither does Melissa, who, for the record, provided Baxter with every medical and creature comfort.
"So many people told me I had to put him to sleep because he couldn't walk," Melissa told me. "I said 'you have to be kidding.' The last year of his life he was the perfect hospice dog because most people he visited couldn't walk either. It was perfect identification between them. He still had something to give," she said.
When he no longer had that something to give, he let Melissa know it was time and she made the decision to put him to sleep. "It was really, really tough to do but it's a gift you give your dog after they give you so many years of themselves," she said.
"Baxter told me he was ready," she continued. "People told me that would happen and I didn't believe them."
In a twist of fate, two days before Melissa and I spoke several friends, and friends of friends, lost pets to old age or cancer, all in the same day. Knowing the pain of such a loss first-hand, it became clear to me that someone somewhere (Baxter himself?) was giving me an important story assignment: addressing the pain and aftermath of a beloved pet's death.
"This time of year is especially difficult to lose a member of the family," Melissa said.
The first thing Melissa did after Baxter died was to write his obituary and post it to his website, and a poem to read at his memorial which was held at San Diego Hospice where they volunteered together. "I was so grateful they wanted to do that. They had received so many calls from people who wanted to gather together and have some sense of closure. It was a standing-room only event," she said.
"Writing put the whole thing into perspective for me," she said. "I don't know how it came out of me so rapidly, but it was a cathartic experience. I'm not saying the poem is great, but it said exactly what I was feeling. To get it down on paper and out of myself gave me a release I needed. I was like a pressure cooker that needed to let off steam," she added.
Recognizing that some people don't have the same proclivity for writing, Melissa suggested that an alternative might be to perform a ritual that brings you comfort, like lighting candles or framing favorite photographs. Pulling out and going through photos and putting the pet's things all together in one place is one idea she offered.
"That's what I did with Baxter's things," she said. "I went out and got a nice chest with leather straps and placed everything inside of it, pictures, his bowls, everything. I think it's an important first step toward letting go and starting over."
Photos are her solace. She shares them online with fans and she has them displayed in her home. This one is her favorite, the last one of them taken together, about 10 hours before he passed away:
"I think he looks more beautiful in that moment than any other moment in his life. I realized he became most perfect at the very end of his life and that's why he had to go. You can't be perfect and be here, you have to go. That's how I see it. He graced me with his perfection and he showed me how I can get there, so to speak, through the deeds I have to do," she explained.
Disconnecting from the world for about a week also helped Melissa. "I didn't use the computer or talk on the phone. I asked friends and family please not to call me. I didn't want to be rude not answering the phone but I needed to be really quiet with myself," she said.
"I'm lucky to live near the ocean," she added. "I went to the ocean and got in the water even though it was cold, and I let the waves hit me. I cried and screamed, that was also very cathartic. Just disconnect and get away from the world, stay focused on your grief and feel it. Cry, because it's okay to be sad. If you don't allow yourself to be sad you can't be happy later."
Connectivity has it's merits, too, says Melissa. The day Baxter was put to sleep, she had a presentation scheduled with 150 middle school children, a commitment she kept. "It was profound and incredibly helpful," she said.
"At the end of ceremony a little boy came up to me. stooped over wearing a backpack and holding a photo. He said 'Ms. Joseph, I just want to tell you that I just had to put my little doggie to sleep and I'm so sad. I understand your pain." Melissa and the youngster have stayed in touch.
"Empathy is so important," she explained. "Most people can't be completely empathetic with me because I was so over the top with Baxter, he was literally my shadow, but nonetheless it does help when people share what has happened to them and their pet. Go ahead and say you understand, and why you understand, because this is what you went through. It gives us all strength. I see how other people are doing, how they got through and I know that I will also get through and get to the other side of the pain."
"Another way I deal with grief is I recognize how lucky I was. Oh my god, I met the most incredible dog on the planet and had him for 17-1/2 years. How many dogs live to be 19-1/2? I have to look at the upside. It's incredible," she said.
Melissa also recommends taking care of yourself physically and emotionally. "I never gave up going to the gym or eating foods that were good for me. Maybe some days I didn't work out as hard or as long, but I stayed focused," she said.
Focusing on the positive and trying to avoid throwing herself pity parties also helped. "Keep your strength up and don't be a victim, thinking that the world should feel sorry for me because I lost my dog. That's b.s. The world should be excited for me because I had this experience. Oh my god, I'm the lucky one," she said.
Melissa intends to continue with her hospice volunteerism. "I'm so ready to go back to it again, but I don't want to do it without a dog. The dog is the magic, people at the end of their life sense that. Naturally, I'm prejudice, but I've had a lot of other people who have experienced Baxter, and they all tell me that something happened in his presence," she recalled. "So I'm really working on trying to connect with the right dog, I'm very committed to doing that."
In recent weeks she has been visiting shelters to find that right dog. "It's so hard," she said with obvious emotion in her voice. "But I know it's the right thing to do and Baxter is with me on this, but doing the right thing isn't always easy."
She came close this week, but the dog ended up not being a good match for her or therapy work, which was disappointing and frustrating. This setback has not deterred her and she's on the hunt once more. "I had a difficult, abusive upbringing so for me I identify with rescue dogs. We do prevail. We have to overcome, we have to be resilient. We have to," she said.
And resilient she is, thanks in large part to the life lessons she learned in her moments with Baxter.
"This situation with Baxter has brought me to a different place in my life. It enabled me to love myself after all these years and I've been working on that for a long time. It enabled me to take care of myself because now I am alone. My husband left and my dog left within the same period and I felt like I would die from loneliness," she shared.
"I was so heartbroken that I thought when I went to sleep I wouldn't wake up, and if something happened they could just cremate me with Baxter and we'll go together," she added. As with when her mother died, she said, she had Baxter cremated and didn't want anything returned. "I don't have a lot of faith in that system, that what I would get back would really be him. I couldn't deal with anything more beyond that, I was at the point of saturation emotionally," she said.
"Today I keep moving forward. I go to the gym at 5:15 every morning and then I take another step and another step after that and that's what got me to where I am today, visiting shelters. The first time I went it was terrible, I ran out. But I keep going back and I will keep going back until I find my little limelight," she said, adding with a laugh that she's ready to "start networking on all fours."
"Gifts come out of misery and pain, especially if your pain isn't filled with self-absorption," Melissa summarized. "It's okay to feel sad, but stay open and realize it's only temporary. Be grateful for what you had, what you have and know that something good will come from it. This I have learned from Baxter. That, and drink a lot of water," she added with a laugh.
"Moments With Baxter" is available at Amazon.com~ gift yourself, the animal lovers and anyone who appreciates good human storytelling in your life with a copy today! All proceeds go to hospice and animal welfare charities. This week donations were made by Melissa to San Diego Hospice and the ASPCA thanks to everyone's purchases. Keep it coming!
Martha Stewart's beloved dog, Paw Paw, passed away on April 12, 2008 and was laid to rest in style by his devoted mistress on her property.
I love the burial shroud she wrapped him in.
Miss Martha should think about marketing pet funeral items. While Paw Paw's marker is a bit rustic, I could see her designing some gorgeous, affordable alternatives.
I enjoy spending time exploring cemeteries, reading and photographing headstones of celebrities and civilians alike, and learning about the lives and deaths of these so-called "permanent residents" of the graveyards and mausoleums. This blog chronicles those experiences.
One of the cemeteries I'm most interested in these days is Grand View Memorial Park in Glendale, Calif. I wrote about its legal problems for the LA Daily News' community hub, ValleyNews.com from August 2006 to December 2008, when Valley News ceased operations. In response to reader requests to have one central source of information, I created and continue to maintain Grand View Memorial Park (dot) Info.
"We've gotten a front-row seat to all the twists and turns
taking place at the beleaguered cemetery, Grand View Memorial Park, from an intrepid citizen journalist named Lisa Burks." ~ Jason Kandel, ValleyNews.com Editor, 12/28/2006
